If you read last week’s note I do apologise for just how whiny and self indulgent it was. I was feeling very unwell and actually underestimated the extent that had laid me low. A week later and I am still flattened and if I had a lick of sense I’d have taken the whole week off sick…but sense isn’t really my brand.

So I’ve felt ill all week even not considering the brutal news from across the Pond. In recent weeks I’d really convinced myself Kamala could pull it off but that seems delusional now. The result hit like a kick to the nuts. The tsunami of shite that will start in January is terrifying for my friends in the US and around the world.

I really do fear for the future. That so many American’s can vote for a man who embodies the worst traits of humanity and wears them as a badge of honour, who lies easier than breathing and surrounds himself with sycophants and cultists beggars belief.  I honestly can’t see how the United States remains United in my lifetime when you see the difference between the North East corner and the West Coast compared to pretty much everywhere else. There are definitely Two Americas (at least).

I guess I am more of an Americanophile than most – my music, books, comics, movies, TV, art – my entire Culture…heck I even dress like I am American (well a particular generation of Brooklynite anyway). In the last decade or so I’ve holidayed over there 20 times (visiting New York, DC, Austin, Miami, LA, Philly, Seattle, Portland, San Francisco and Oakland – some multiple times) but after my trip to Nashville in December (which is non refundable and cost a LOT!) I’m going to take a break from updating my ESTA. It means absolutely nothing of course (and I’ll miss NYC and Austin) but it is my own silly little protest.

I feel for all the amazing American digital public servants I’ve met over the years – I suspect so much will be dismantled in the months to come.

Christ – writing this is getting me worked up again and I can’t really have that so…well, fuck.

What else this week?

Well I made a complete show of myself during a very frustrating call on Tuesday. I let things boil over and was literally hitting myself in the head while mutely screaming at the ceiling…all while not – as I assumed – off camera. The chair of the call stopped things to ask if I wanted to get anything off my chest.

It was mortifying and unprofessional in a manner that I can’t imagine accepting from anyone else. I’ve felt bad about it ever since and even after all that I didn’t successfully articulate why I was so frustrated and ended up just leaving the meeting early. Dickhead.

The launch of the project for [redacted] has been pushed back but inevitably the work expands to fill the extra time and so we are still at it. The team have done brilliant stuff including a high profile Show and Tell this week that was so expertly handled I wanted to applaud.

I’m trying to work out how to capture the momentum of this work and roll it through into the next iteration of the project – which weirdly was the original project before it got a bit hijacked – while avoiding too much disruption.

This does remain in my wheelhouse though and while Moody Matt last week was second guessing his whole career the reality is I am lucky to be doing what I am doing for /now and the immediate future. Future Matt can deal with /next and /later.

Really enjoyed Season 2 of The Diplomat on Netflix. It is short and sweet, and clearly has a much smaller budget than Season 1 but Keri Russell is wonderful as usual and the bonus Allison Janney appearance playing Dark CJ really made my day (and it was a day – binged it all on Sunday.)

I’ve also been watching Scrubs as my background, wallpaper show. Gosh it was so funny to start with but it really drops off as it goes along. Still it is cool to compare it to Shrinking which is so many of the same cast, writers etc,

Enjoyed the rugby as well, despite England losing at the death.

I haven’t had a drink since my penultimate day in New York – which means two weeks I think. Haven’t even been tempted – even during the aforementioned rugby.

Weird.

Oh and it is almost Jukesiemas. Thank Santa.

Take care friends.